3 Things You Should Never Do in Love and Marriage

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Everyone has a unique perspective, so we’re bound to disagree sometimes. However, if disagreements become fights that harm the relationship, our remarks made while upset can fuel future hurt. When it comes to love and marriage, there are a few sacred rules of engagement. Instead, what you need to be fighting for is love. Fight each day to be more loving than the last.

RULE #1: Never use the “D” word.

When we take our vows, we say “for better or for worse.” So, don’t go throwing around divorce when a situation goes awry or when you feel hurt and angry with your partner. By threatening divorce, it creates a tremendous lack of safety in a marriage. It’s a form of mental and emotional blackmail, even if you don’t mean it. Agree with one another to avoid such threats.

RULE #2: Avoid turning past vulnerable moments shared between you into poisonous darts.

Sometimes couples twist and sling at their partner things that the other shared when feeling safe, vulnerable, and connected. For instance, your partner discloses to you that her previous boyfriend used to make fun of her by calling her fat, and she hated it. So when you're angry, you poke and tease her for putting some extra pounds on. Or your spouse shares that there wasn’t any affection growing up, so showing affection doesn’t come naturally. If you turn these tidbits into darts of sarcasm or zingers when upset, trust is broken. Your partner may be less likely to share their tenderness with you in the future. Chill out before you say something that you will regret!

RULE #3: Don’t take yourself too seriously.

Most fights in relationships are fueled by taking ourselves too seriously. We are all different, so conflict is natural. However, when we make being right more important than being close, we sacrifice understanding and an opportunity for emotional intimacy. Being right while making your partner wrong only creates distance, hurt, and an obstacle to meaningful conversation. And the more you fight, the less you listen and the taller the walls of protection you must scale.

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