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Spouses Stay ‘Invested’ If They Feel They Aren’t Losing In The Relationship.

Commitment grows when spouses invest so much in a marriage that they start seeing some value in it, or they don’t see a better alternative. Your shares are trading flat, there are no dividends, but you expect them to appreciate in the future you hold on to them. Marriage works the same way, says an article in Psychology Today, explaining why so many people choose to stay on in seemingly unhappy marriages.

Psychologists Harold Kelley and John Thibaut claimed in the 1960s that interdependence is the glue of marriage. “Each partner evaluates personal satisfaction with the relationship by assessing costs and benefits. As long as perceived benefits outweigh perceived costs, you’re happy with your relationship.”

There is no absolute measure of interdependence. Some people can endure a bad marriage because their standards and expectations are low. “If you grew up in a family where abuse and neglect were the norm, you might just assume that’s the way all marriages are.”

Like good personal economists, spouses assess their costs and gains. You might choose to stay on with a spouse who gives little but demands even less. Or, you might break up with someone who meets your needs but is too demanding.

What’s called commitment is a result of these rational considerations: either you have invested so much of yourself in the marriage that you come to see some value in it, or you don’t see a better alternative to your current relationship.

This does not mean that every stressful phase threatens a marriage. Even the best of marriages will have rough patches: “Career changes, illness of a family member, and even the birth of a child can PRECIOUS PORTFOLIO: bring stressors into a marriage that significantly reduce relationship satisfaction for both partners. And yet they remain committed.”

That’s your blue chip stock during a market downturn. It would be silly to dump it then, and couples usually don’t break up under such stresses.

Research by psychologist Levi Baker shows the interdependence theory works best in the long term, because during stressful episodes both partners evaluate their expected relationship satisfaction in the future. The birth of a child, for instance, “is marred by negative outcomes, such as a reduction in intimacy and increased demands for time and re- sources. But couples remain committed ...because they believe the relationship will be more satisfying later.” Baker and colleagues found that “expected future satisfaction” best predicts whether a marriage will last.

What should couples do about their current relationship issues? “That dissatisfied feeling tells you to put more work into your marriage, not to find a way to leave. In fact, just doing something to improve your relationship, such as devoting more time to your spouse...can boost your expectation for a happier marriage in the future, thus bolstering your commitment to work things out.”


By Sujata Bose


Alias seoPosted On 28/11/2017

That’s a good point that you can have your money make money. If you have savings it has the potential to be an investment instead. If you don’t do anything your money will lose value anyways because of inflation. Follow :

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