How to Improve Communication to Create a Drama-Free Marriage

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“Drama-free” does not mean that you will never have conflict in your marriage, but it does mean that when you do have conflict. By improving communication with your spouse, you can create a drama-free marriage that is fulfilling, respects your boundaries, and helps you both flourish. Let’s explore five strategies for breaking the cycle of drama and bettering communication in your marriage.

Break the Cycle of Miscommunication through Curiosity : Breaking the cycle of miscommunication starts with mindfully questioning and interrupting our preconceived notions. To disrupt a difficult pattern of arguing or knee-jerk reactions, try the stop, drop, and roll method for more successful communication with your spouse. First, STOP trying to get your point across. Then, DROP your defenses—things like sarcasm, blocking, or minimizing your partner’s perspective. Finally, ROLL into a better experience by asking open-ended questions and pull your partner closer!

Take Responsibility for Your Part of Communication : You may also be wondering how to have those difficult conversations, especially discussing what matters most to you. Get curious and observe what stops you from saying your peace or bringing up topics with your partner that are important to you. Perhaps in the past, when you tried, a horrible argument ensued, so you haven't brought the topic up since. Don't be scared off—when a conflict is resolved, understanding results. And good communication begins with you.

Set Healthy Boundaries : Miscommunication is usually accompanied by the trampling of personal boundaries. Often, these are boundaries we actually haven’t communicated to our partner, but when they cross our boundaries, we feel hurt, misunderstood, or dismissed. Yet, how can we expect our spouse to anticipate boundaries that we have not shared and expressed?

Practice Mindful Communication : Communication in marriage begins with mindfulness. To release judgment and negative feelings, make it a priority to learn about and practice expressing empathy. Slow down and notice when you’re feeling tense or upset and go back to Strategy 1: get curious. Ask yourself why you feel that way and find ways to communicate the issue in a nonjudgmental, empathetic way. Make mindful communication a daily ritual. When it’s a difficult conversation, sometimes it’s helpful to get very clear and even rehearse what you want to say.

Make Love the Most Essential Ingredient of All Communication : Often when couples disagree or find themselves in conflict, they neglect to remember just how much they love each other. Listening openly and attentively to your partner's perspective, experiences, and feelings. Setting boundaries and not allowing disrespect to fester and deteriorate your relationship. Loving bravely enough to be uncomfortable and require yourself and your partner to have difficult conversations. Make love the most essential ingredient in every interaction!

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